I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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