Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
