yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
