CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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