I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
