allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
