It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
