I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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