remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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