I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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