I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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