we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
