I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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