I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you made out with another girl for some wings
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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