i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
