The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
