Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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