I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
