I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Randomize
