My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
