And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
