SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
