Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
