i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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