you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
