Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
