go do what you do best...puke behind churches
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize