Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
