why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
