the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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