Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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