we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
