Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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