Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
