tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
