i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
