after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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