i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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