youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
