dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
