I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
