and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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