the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm always down for nudity.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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