my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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