I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize