She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
