there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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