I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
