i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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