Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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