What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Randomize