He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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