My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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