it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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