dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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