Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
