Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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