she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
