dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
