is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
