Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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