I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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