I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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