Don't you send me to vm
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
