I got chris browned last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
