I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
