Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
