got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
