she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize