are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
