508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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