you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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