just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You ruined the universe
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
