forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
