Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
