It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
