dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
