Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
