thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize