Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
