do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
