If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
