billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
