I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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