lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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