I showed him my bush... on skype.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
