I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize