You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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