Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
