OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
