I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
