Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
