I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
