I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
