I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
