When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Are we in a gay sports bar?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
