Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
