okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
