she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
