Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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