You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
